Sure, Halloween is fun and you can definitely find a list of it’s great attributes. Just know, this is not one of them. (Don’t worry, there’s a light of the end of this dark, scary tunnel.)
10 Worst Things About Halloween:
- Costume pressure. You gotta have the best. Not too politically incorrect, offensive, vague, revealing. But it needs to be funny, clever, looks difficult to construct, and is relevant. Basically go big, or go (stay) home.
- Gobstoppers. Sweet Tarts. Candy corn. Banana Laffy Taffy. What do these candies have in common? The fact that they’re garbage. NEXT.
- When Halloween is on a weekday. Whether you’re a kid or an adult, it’s still a bummer (for very different reasons).
- Pennies. Toothbrushes. Walnuts.* Raisins. Ear plugs...? You always know which houses give the King Size candy bars, as well as the houses NOT to go to.
- When you can’t wear your costume to school or work...Look, I spent 30+ hours making my costume (until my fingers bled) and I only get to wear it ONE TIME for like, two hours to some random Halloween party? And then do it all over again next year?? I wore my wedding dress for that amount of time and I only plan on doing that once.
- Sugar Hangover. The cure is downing 5 pixie sticks the morning after...to take the edge off.
- Vandalism. Mostly for the cleanup afterward. Like, I don’t care if you threw TP all over my front plants and lawn, just leave your (business) card so I can call text you the next day to come clean it up...After I take a selfie with it. 🤳
- When it rains/snows/thunderstorms/hails. How am I to stay warm AND dry AND wear my Instagram Influencer costume (aka - sports bra and leggings). 🤷♀️ Ugh, the ONE time it isn’t apropos.
- When seasonal flu-pocalypse strikes and you have to make some sacrifices. You either: A) Forgo your kids’ threats to take them trick-or-treating, but then hear for the next 365 days how you’ve ruined their life. OR B) Zombie-walk through a sea of other bystanders (parents) with barely enough mental energy to suppress bodily fluids, let alone listen to Neighbor Karen small-talk you on the awesomeness of your “costume”...Yeah thanks, Karen. Thought I’d go with the "half-dead look" this year. Put in little-to-no effort. 🧟♀️🧟♂️🤧☠️☠️☠️
- Social Media. The epic Halloween parties are the ones that specify ADULTS ONLY on the invite. But when you have kids and no babysitter, you’re left to your own devices: FOMO and a giant bowl of uneaten Halloween candy. You’ll know you’ve crossed over to stage 2 of your pity party when you start placing bets how long it’ll take to see the annual Insta story of Chad downing 20 Jello Shots in 5 minutes or Becky dancing to Monster Mash on Amanda's brand new mahogany dining table. Not to mention hearing all the stories and inside jokes for months after..."Hey, remember that one time...?" No. No I don't.
Whether you’re a Category #1, #5, or #8-10, I have good news that will turn your Jack-O-Lantern frown upside down. SandiLake Clothing has a fresh new line of Halloween threads to ease the pressure, make your boss/teacher happy, or just be festive at home.
*cited source: Pam Beasley from The Office
*written by: Mollee Grossman on Team SandiLake